Challenges of the life

I am in a struggle with motivation.  Life has so many things to offer and yet I find myself longing for JG...  when will this pass,  how can I find internal peace with being alone?  The past week was so difficult,  the telephone scene in my acting class,  the tension I am carrying in my body.  After that scene all I wanted to do was call you run into your arms and feel safe.  I knew this feeling would not be real, bc in the end I would feel lonelier then when I started.  There are many things that are no longer real.. The sense of future....  ever shifting...  the critique that one must have a thick skin to receive on a daily basis as an artist. My performances are developing and the more I work the farther I am getting to any other human being I love.  The word Love feels foreign The word Lost has taken it's place.  The tango is my silent expression of this pain.  It has helped me to not throw myself into another distructive fake relationship,  not that my last one was that bc I feel we had the best connection on all possibilities, if only we did not let our egos get in the way.  I am afraid of being that lady who stays alone with 7 cats....   Silly fears but I see no one that can stop me in my tracks.  I close my eyes and I no longer smell or feel you near.  I feel ALONE,  I have begun to feel strong again.  I am begining to feel complete it's a slow process. Understanding that I profess love I provide love and I protect those I love.  This is what I offer this is what I give.  This is what I deserve in return.